Far more connected that you may imagine, the worlds of Real Estate and Professional Wrestling have intersected with a surprising amount of regularity over the years.
Open Houses in hot Real Estate markets? That sure feels like a Battle Royale.
Championship Matches that feature Title Changes? Well, Real Estate transactions have changes in title as well, right?
And a typical World Wrestling Entertainment event card features performers of all types and matches with various stipulations. You would never build your Real Estate team with *only* agents. Ignoring an attorney, an inspector, a home stager, and many other specialists could cripple the progress our your transaction.
We thought we would take a stab at assembling an amazing Real Estate team using the talented performers of the pro wrestling world! After all, you’re never going at it alone in the world of Real Estate (or at least…..you shouldn’t be). Whether you’re a buyer or a seller, partner with NextHome Titletown, and you’ll have access to a full roster of recommended tag-team partners.
Real Estate Agents - The Miz and Maryse
The IT Couple of the WWE. They are on-brand, smart, cunning, confident, and are always well-dressed, looking stunning in their respective dresses and suits. A French-Canadian, Maryse is multilingual (speaking English, French, and Spanish), which is always a plus. It also helps that Maryse is *actually* a licensed agent off-camera! Look at this gorgeous $3M property that she sold in Laurel Canyon.
Deal Analysis - Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
WWE Hall of Famer, the late Bobby “The Brain” Heenan was the mastermind manager of so many of Hulk Hogan’s opponents in the 80’s and 90’s. A 4-time Pro Wrestling Illustrated Manager of the Year, The Brain always had a devious plan in mind, undoubtedly after studying video of his client’s opponents sprinkled with insider information. He is considered to be one of the best (if not THE best) managers of all time. I’ll take The Brain and trust his intuition and analysis.
Finance - Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and The Fabulous Moolah
Everybody’s got a Price for The Million Dollar Man! Ted DiBiase carried $100 bills to the ring and wore a diamond-studded custom title belt. The Fabulous Moolah adopted her nickname because of her love of money. Between the two, I think we’ll have plenty of private financing available!
Attorneys - Clarence Mason and David Otunga
Clarence Mason might not be an attorney, but he played one on TV. David Otunga has occasionally played an attorney on TV, but he actually has a law degree from Harvard, and worked for one of the nation’s largest law firms after passing the bar exam.
Accountant / Tax Specialist -
Irwin R. Schyster, of course
Otherwise known as I.R.S. (get it?), Schyster was a tag team champion alongside his business partner The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, presumably offering valuable tax advice during their long drives making towns. He has filmed helpful Top 10 Tax Tips videos, and is particularly keen on tax cheating, abiding by the law, and helping clients pay their fair share of taxes. Better to know the rules than make mistakes with your deductions and claim ignorance, because the IRS isn’t too forgiving.
Marketing - Stephanie McMahon
The Chief Brand Officer for WWE, Stephanie is a marketing genius, powerful executive, and unafraid of taking risks. Bold, brash, and confident, Stephanie understands a business opportunity when she sees one and has the skills to reach new audiences of buyers, sellers, and investors.
Architect - Vince McMahon
The Chairman of the Board. The man who built today’s modern sports entertainment empire. He wrote the blueprint, and is the perfect architect for our team.
General Contractor - Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig
GC’s require a particularly acute attention to detail, and what’s better than perfect?
Project Managers -
Sgt. Slaughter and The Boss Sasha Banks
Both former World Champions, Sgt. Slaughter and Sasha Banks command respect from their peers and get things done. Slaughter enlisted in the US Marine Corps prior to his career in the ring, serving as a Drill Instructor. Sasha Banks oozes charisma, is Snoop Dogg’s first cousin, and includes multiple mentions of her nickname “The Boss” on her ring attire and jewelry.
Demolition - Demolition
Demo day is always the third most fun day of a real estate project (behind the Date of Purchase and, best of all, the Date of Sale!) The 3-time World Tag Team Champions Ax and Smash (and later Crush, but he’s really the 3rd wheel of the bunch) comprise the aptly named Demolition, perfect to lead the charge on demo day.
General Laborers -
Brock Lesnar, Andre the Giant, Goldberg, Mark Henry, Ryback
We need some workers on the project who can haul bags of concrete and grout, pallets of tile and wood, and provide some much-needed muscle for the manual labor. Time to call in the heavyweight musclemen. All five of these fellas are scary-strong. All are known to have had short fuses in the ring, so we need to ensure that they are hydrated, well-fed, compensated well, and treated respectfully!
Plumber - Dusty Rhodes
The late Dusty Rhodes billed himself as “the son of a plumber,” so I suppose he might have inherited some of those skills.
Carpenter - Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Hooooooooo! Hacksaw Jim Duggan always carried a 2x4 to the ring, presumably bringing it from the construction site on which he was staffed prior to his match.
HVAC - Kane, Harlem Heat, and Glacier
Through hellfire and brimstone, Kane wears flames on his wrestling gear and summons blazing torches to spontaneously ignite from the corner posts of each ring into which he walks by merely raising his arms and lowering them with vigor. Harlem Heat are 10-time World Tag Team Champions, and one of the finest teams from the 90’s. And Glacier was inspired by Sub-Zero from Mortal Combat, who was able to form ice weapons by freezing water with his hands. Among this crew, we should have heating and air conditioning covered.
Electrician - The Rock
Who else could this be? The jobber tag team High Voltage? The fumbling and stumbling Shockmaster? Never. Only one performer could serve this role well, and it’s THE most electrifying man in sports entertainment - The Rock!
Exterminator - Jake the Snake Roberts, The Boogeyman
Pest control is important with any new development or gut-rehab renovation. How many times have you seen house flippers on HGTV walk into a roach- or rat-infested home that they’re about to make beautiful? Let’s be sure to have the experts on hand. Jake the Snake does not fear serpents, and The Boogeyman - hailing straight from “The Bottomless Pit” - walked to the ring with a bag filled with worms, which would often end up in the mouths of both his defeated opponents and The Boogeyman himself.
Project Security - The Big Boss Man and The Junkyard Dog
From Cobb County, Georgia, The Big Boss Man carried a big stick, and a ball-and-chain too (as per his theme music), and always served Hard Times to his opponents, often handcuffing them to the ring ropes if they misbehaved or were caught somewhere that they shouldn’t have been. The Junkyard Dog wore a collar and long link chain to the ring, presumably because he patrolled junkyard after the matches. Both were tough hombres, and serve as reliable security guards to protect our developments from copper thieves and the like.
Handyman - Braun Strowman
Another massively large and strong guy, Braun Strowman challenges his opponents to “Get These Hands” - appendages which are also quite enormous. Someone who loves working with his hands sounds like the perfect handyman!
Paving - The Road Warriors
Hawk and Animal snacked on danger and dined on death, strange qualifications for people working on blacktop. But their characters were based on the post-apocalyptic movie with which they shared their name, and The Road Warriors came to the ring wearing football shoulder pads with spikes, exactly the types of guys that you’d expect to see riding motorcycles down long hot roads in the desert.
Trash Removal -
Duke the Dumpster Droese
Cleanup crew is such an important role for a job site, and there is no better man for the job than the big guy from Mount Trashmore, Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, who always came to the ring with a metal garbage can, just in case he had to tidy up the ringside area.
So there you have it. What a team, right? Could you imagine showing up to a new construction jobsite, and open house, or a closing with this group?
Wrestling fans are quite opinionated and boisterous, many with encyclopedic knowledge of the performers, storylines, title histories, and notable events. What did we miss? Shoot us a message at firstname.lastname@example.org and let us know!
Whether you choose to staff your Real Estate team with licensed professionals or an esteemed faction of boisterous brawlers, make sure to include NextHome Titletown in your plans. The Real Estate market is booming in Massachusetts, and NextHome Titletown is here to help you take advantage of it. Whether you’re buying, selling, or investing, we can help - we know pro wrestling AND Real Estate! Please contact us today at NextHome Titletown - 617.657.9811 or email@example.com.
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